I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane


Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie



why did i have a big sigh when i heard this song ???
shit ...

Harini baru hari pertama, pagi pagi aku da meraung raung sakit..
Aku pon tak paham apa masalah aku…da beberapa lama da ni benda ni berterusan
Aku jumpa doctor, masih same…doctor kate ……..
Hmm….



Sampai bila aku kena menghadap benda ni, sampai bila aku kena tanggung…
Aku da tak larat sangat sangat
Satu ape aku da tak boleh nak dapatkan konsentrasi


Apa mungkin yang harus aku buat …


Aku buntu ….

pilu .......... ade





sedih .......... ade





bangge .......... biase





happy .......... tiada





terkilan .......... sangat





kecewa .......... sangat





menyesal .......... ade





bunga .......... tiada





orang .......... tiada





bertakung .......... ade








canselor je yang tau aku bergenang depan die ...

ape semua tau turun naik aku !

Minggu lepas, aku tidur …
Aku jaga, menggigil
Bangun, terduduk …
Telan pil, paksa sambung
Pergi kerja, huyung hayang

Due hari lepas tu, benda sama …

Kelmarin, bawak kereta, nampak dua …
Pergi kerja, collapse 3, 4 minit
Jumpa doctor …
Doctor cakap ………………


Insyaallah, aku masih punya masa untuk lihat keindahan dunia
Balik rumah, mak tanya ….
Sorry mak, I have to lie …. Orang tak mau susahkan hati mak lagi ……
=)

Tiba tiba hari ni aku masih terhuyung haying
Urgh ….
Jangan la buat pasal – malam ni nak gerak jauh aku kena drive …
Hmm….

Semoga diberkati….

adakah dia guruku ?

adakah ini jalan untuk ku ?

benarkah aku telah berjumpa dengan guru itu ?




benar kata orang - ijazah terbaik datangnya dari jalanan ...

Fort night ago, after exactly two months and one day of suffering – I went to see UC upon her requests. To be honest, im kind of nervous to see her at first. Im scared actually. Scared of thinking what will happen on that night – I don’t even know her mode at that time. But, because of something, I went to see her. I miss her damn much though and I really wish she could see that.
She already made up her mind long time ago I guess. But whatever pon yang akan jadi, aku tahu aku harus sentiasa menunjukkan ketenangan yang telah banyak mengajar gua menjadi lebih better…maybe…insyaallah … 
So, after a very silent treatment I’ve got from her, we met about almost two hours …

Hmm ……..

Gua cube cakap everything yang gua nak cakap malam tu – memang gua tak tipu yang gua rindu die sangat sangat. Gua cakap benda tu. Gua cakap gak yang gua still sayang dia sangat lagi. I never meant to make her cry but yes, she did cry that night.

Ape yang gua boleh cakap as a conclusion on that night. Gua nampak yang UC still loves me but there is something yang buat dia tak boleh nak cakap benda tu.
Gua tau yang UC cuba sorok something dari gua tapi gua dapat rasa apa benda yang dia nak sorok tu – tuhan lebih berkuasa.

I knew it, UC. But it’s ok… 
Gua sentiasa maafkan everything yang dia buat….

I know she needs someone (maybe kah gua ?) but dia tengah stress sangat on apa yang jadi kat diri dia, kat hidup dia.
Maybe dia ada buat salah and she did realize that. Alhamdulillah ….

She said, kitorang tak akan lagi dapat sama sama. Hmm…. Kalau kita betul betul berusaha atas apa yang kita nak, insyaallah UC…. Tuhan tu tak kejam. …
Mungkin dia sedang cuba untuk hidup berdikari….
Mungkin dia cuba nak buktikan sesuatu – kalau bukan dekat orang lain pon, dekat diri dia sendiri.
Gua cuba terima benda tu….
Dia yang lebih tahu apa yang dia perlukan dalam hidup dia…
And gua tau yang dia tau yang kitorang boleh jadi lebih better kalau masing masing betul betul ready untuk berusaha ke arah itu…

Tak ape lah…
Gua da cuba untuk cuba sedaya upaya gua…but……
Dia nak hidup seorang diri – dia tak nak gua ada dekat dengan dia……for future, dia masih tak pasti
Mungkin dia perlu ruang untuk dia mengenali dunia dengan cara dia sendiri
Gua anggap benda tu sebagai proses pembelajaran kehidupan seseorang manusia…
Gua cuma berharap yang dia tak tersalah pilih jalan…
Doa gua akan sentiasa dengan UC – semoga akan sentiasa melindungi dia …

Gua memang tak boleh tipu diri…
Gua terlampau sayang UC
Gua rase selesa and happy dengan UC

Bila bila kalau dia rasa perlukan gua, gua akan sentiasa akan cuba hadir untuk dia…
Kate lah gua apapon – gua tetap akan…………..  (hanya tuhan yang tahu)
Gua harap satu hari nanti dia akan nampak ….. 


“sayang, kalau boleh untuk berhenti – berhenti la seksa diri u baby………..”

We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life...
But we can decide what happens in us...
how we take it...
what we do with it and that is what really counts in the end...

...
No matter how much we give love...
if we dont give it to ourselves...
nobody can love us enough...
If weare in relationships with people who dont have self-love...
no matter how much we love them...
it'll never be enough cos they're not giving it to themselves on the inside....


Our minds are as different as our faces...
we are all traveling to one destination...
happiness...
but few are going by the same road...


For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it...
For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it...
For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it..


Drama never ends and haters are all the same...
they smile in front of your face but spit on your name...


So when u feel like hope is gone...
Look inside u and be strong...
and u will finally see the truth...


When you fall...
don't look at the place where you fell...
instead see the place from where you slipped...
Life is about correcting mistakes...
And i know one day you will realize about it...
And there is someone who will keep waiting for you...just like always ...

p/s: i love u baby doll ....